Innuendos (It Had 2 B U Book 1) Page 2

  I’m like her good luck charm. The minute any guy meets me, they show their true colors and run away with their tails between their legs. I kinda feel bad for Breezy. She wants to make her relationships work, and here I am fucking them up at any chance I get.

  The third problem of whoring myself out, is the crazies. Of course I have plenty of girls who are perfectly fine with one-night-stands, but then you get that one girl who goes crazy. Suddenly she’s picking out wedding patterns, poking holes in condoms, and taking a bat to your vehicle. Yup, I had all that in one shiny blonde package, after a one-night-stand went terribly wrong.

  I need to slow down. I never thought I would get to the point where sex wouldn’t be enjoyable anymore, but I’m there. I’m pretty sure if I don’t stop now, my favorite appendage may shrivel up and fall off one of these days. Then what use would I be to anyone?

  As much as I would like to put a stop to my constant perusal of the under regions of the female body, tonight is Breezy’s date night with Numbers Man, and that means I need to distract myself—again. I grab my phone and dial my wingman’s number, ready for a night of heavy drinking. Tony picks up on the second ring.

  “You ready for this shit, Princess?” He asks in an overly enthusiastic voice. Tony is a jackass, and has this sick obsession with calling me pet names because he thinks it’s funny. I’ve gotten so used to it, that I don’t let it bother me anymore. Tony has been my wingman for the last four years. We met at a party, and both had a mutual admiration for how the other was good with the ladies. I’m not kidding when I say that Tony is the master when it comes to women. If Breezy dubs me the Pussy Slinger, then I dub Tony the Mack Daddy of Pussy. His record with women puts mine to shame. He’s the one man that I keep Breezy far away from. The moment Tony laid eyes on my sexy roommate, he was all over her and made it his personal mission to try to sleep with her. Luckily, I’m a lot stronger than he is. All it took was one body slam to the wall, a few idle threats, and the fact I made it perfectly clear she was off limits. He got the message.

  “Yup, you ready?”

  “What’s the plan for tonight? Redhead? Ebony Goddess? Or are you feeling the fatty tonight?”

  “I kinda have a taste for Chinese,” I say smiling.

  “Ah yes, the kinky chink. Good choice, my friend.”

  “Could you be anymore racist?” I ask him, grabbing my wallet from off my desk.

  “Probably, but what fun would I be if I didn’t offend someone every now and then? Meet you at the bar in five?”

  “Sure, see you there.”

  Just as he promised, Tony is leaning up against our favorite bar five minutes after hanging up with me. I probably got there only a few minutes after him, but in those few minutes, he already has a trio of girls circling him. Like horny moths, they flitter about him, pestering him as he waits for me. I think it’s his red hair. It’s like a beacon of obnoxiousness, kinda like a lighthouse, only oddly styled and attracting chicks not ships. For some reason, girls are attracted to gingers—especially Tony. I’m not sure exactly why. Tonight his hair is wildly styled on the top of his head. He’s wearing all black except for a splash of pink that barely peeks out of his breast pocket. He’s got his hands shoved into his slacks, and that stupid shit-eating grin of his greets me as he sees me stroll up. The three girls twittering around him don’t look old enough to get into the bar. Before he goes to jail for statutory rape, I jump in and save his ass.

  “Honey, there you are,” I say in my most feminine voice. The girls turn around and their mouths drop. “Baby, I told you to wait for me.”

  Tony lifts up a disapproving eyebrow.

  I put my arm around his waist and lay my head on his shoulder. “You know how much I miss you when you’re gone.” Then to be funny, I squeeze his ass, and just as I hoped he would. Tony squeals like a piggy.

  His jailbait fan club bailed the moment my head met his shoulder. The ass grab was purely for his discomfort and my own personal amusement.

  He shoves me away and groans, “What the fuck, Max?”

  “Jailbait, you’d be lucky if they were sixteen.”

  “Fuck. Thanks for saving me then.”

  “No problem, Honey. Shall we go inside,” I ask him smugly.

  “Only if you promise never to grab my ass like that again.”

  “Sweetheart, you know I can’t resist your ass. It’s like straight up muscle.” I go to squeeze it once more, and he punches me in the shoulder.

  I guess I deserve that.

  “Alright funny guy, let’s go find you a little Chinese hottie.”

  Once we enter the bar, we fall into our normal routine. First we scour the club for our targets. Right off the bat, I see my prize at the other end of the room. She’s sitting with a few girlfriends, and sipping Mimosas. She’s petite, at least 5’4. She’s wearing a skin tight red dress and classy black pumps. Her almond shaped eyes are spending more time staring at the table than looking around the room.

  She’s nervous. Perfect! The submissive types are my favorite.

  Tony’s eyes settle on the hot blonde sitting next to her. All the girls at the table are wearing the color red. Some of them are dressed a little skimpier than the others—Tony’s blonde being one of them.

  “So,” Tony says, “how are we going to play this? Are we going to buy them a round of drinks and get straight to flirting? Are we going to hit on their friends to make them jealous? What’s the game tonight, my friend?”

  “Drinks, no games, straight up flirting, and then home immediately.”

  “Fuck dude, is it Breezy’s date night or something?”

  I throw him an angry glare. “What do you think?”

  “You just need to man up and tell that hot bitch how you feel about her.”

  “I swear to god, Tony. Call Breezy a bitch one more time and I’m going to feed you so much more than a knuckle sandwich.” I raise a threatening fist.

  “Okay, geez. I forgot how sensitive you are about Breezy.”

  “She’s my best friend. I don’t appreciate anyone talking about her in a demeaning manner. Now, how about you shut up and help me ring in our targets?”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  We turn around to the bar and order another round of Mimosas for the table of ladies in red. We make our way over with drinks in hand and smile as the girls finally take notice of us. My target fidgets nervously. Tony’s, on the other hand, is puffing up her chest and showing off her obviously fake knockers.

  “Ladies, we come bearing drinks,” Tony says, saddling up next to his blonde. “I’m Tony, this is my pal Max, and you beautiful ladies have captivated our attention from across the room.” God, he’s smooth. That’s why he’s the perfect wingman.

  “I’m Emma,” the blonde tells us. “This is Jane,” she motions to my target that’s looks up at me with petrified doe eyes. They widen even farther when I smile at her. “And this is Maggie and Tabitha.” She motions to the other two girls at the table, neither of them I bother to look at for more than a few seconds. My sights are set on the Asian, and from the looks of her, she’s going to be a little harder to hook than I thought.

  I walk around the table to stand behind Jane, who stiffens the moment she feels me behind her. “Hi, I’m Max,” I tell her, squeezing myself between her and her friend on the left. I think her name is Tabitha, not quite sure.

  “Jane,” she sticks out her hand and I shake it.

  “What brings you ladies out tonight?” Tony asks, cutting into my conversation.

  “Divorce party, Tabby here just divorced her husband,” Emma states, motioning to her friend.

  Tabitha holds up her drink and shouts, “To meaningless sex and no more leash!”

  The girls all hold up their glasses and shout, “Here, here!”

  “What about the rest of you ladies? Are you single?” My eyes immediately gravitate to Jane, who’s doing her best not to look at me but failing miserably at it. When she catches my gaze, I smile. I hear her ma
ke a frightened sound.

  “Single and horny,” Emma shouts. She turns in her seat and throws herself at Tony, who catches her easily. “I love me some ginger. Wanna go back to your place and fuck?” She strokes at his goatee, making Tony laugh.

  “I thought you would never ask,” he tells her. He gives me a smug look, and shrugs his shoulders. “Guess I’m out, man. See ya later.” He wraps his arms around Emma’s waist, and they walk out the door, leaving me to entertain the remaining three.

  “So, Max, you look fun. Are you single?” Tabitha asks, her cougar eyes focusing on me. She couldn’t be more than thirty-six, but you can tell that marriage has weathered her face. She’s wrinkled around the eyes and over compensating with a ton of makeup—not that you can really see it because it’s hidden by her fake, dyed blonde hair which is short and cropped to her shoulders.

  “Yes,” I answer, taking a drink from the beer I brought with me from the bar.

  “Do you live nearby?” Maggie asks hopefully. Maggie is obviously the girl in their group who doesn’t get noticed. She’s got that pretty vibe going on about her, but I can tell she’s a little self-conscious with the way she’s using her arms to cover up her body. She’s a little overweight, but I’m the kind of guy who sees the beauty in any woman. The small look of desperation in her eyes tells me that my focus on Jane needs to be redirected. Maggie is my new target. I’m going to show this woman exactly how beautiful she is.

  “I do. My roommate is out on a date, so I have the whole place to myself for the night.” I remove myself from behind Jane and make my way over to Maggie, turning my attention to her. Then I bend into her ear, taking a strand of her curly auburn hair sitting on the plump of her cheek and move it so that it’s out of her face. “You’re beautiful,” I tell her. “How about we get out of here?”

  Her brown eyes round in surprise. “Are you a chubby chaser? Because if that’s what you are then you can take your cake-feeding ass somewhere else, Mr. Sexy. My mouth isn’t interested.”

  I laugh. “I’m not a chubby chaser, nor do I have any plans on feeding you anything. I simply want to take you home with me.”

  “For what?”

  “Sex,” I reply casually. I’ve had this problem with bigger girls before. They get all suspicious and think I’m one of those psychos who searches out innocent women with self-esteem problems and preys on them. It’s not like that at all.

  Tony says I have a “Robin Hood complex”, where I feel like it’s my job to save every desperate woman from rejection. Half the women I’ve been with would not be called beautiful by other men, and that’s okay, because I can see their inner beauty. That’s what I find most attractive. Honestly, I think my “Robin Hood Complex” stems from Breezy. When we were younger she was kind of thick. I’ve always found her attractive, but she’s a girl and doesn’t see what I see. I’ve spent the last ten years building up her self-esteem just so she can start feeling that she’s beautiful. Now that I’ve done such a great job with her, too good if you ask me, I’m focusing my attention on others in need. Tonight that’s Maggie.

  “Sex? Really? That’s what you’re going to lead with? You’re not going to try to butter me up with crappy pickup lines or fake charisma?”

  “There’s nothing fake about my charisma.” I smirk at her; I see her semi smile over the straw in her Mimosa.

  I hear Jane say something snarky from over my shoulder, and I turn to look at her.

  “What the fuck? You’re going to take her home? She’s fucking fat,” she snaps. “I can’t believe you’re actually thinking about taking her home over me. Have you seen my body compared to hers? I’m like a size zero. She’s like a size twenty.”

  Holy crap! Jane is the crazy of the group. Glad I’m dodging that bullet.

  “Maybe in breast size,” I quip.

  Maggie and Tabitha both laugh.

  Jane throws them both an evil death glare.

  I realize the situation is starting to turn hostile. Bending in, I whisper into Maggie’s ear, “Do you really want to stay here with jealous bitch one and two, or do you want to take a chance and have a little fun with me tonight?”

  Maggie seems to contemplate this question for far too long, so I bend in and kiss her cheek. The kiss seems to be the deciding vote to leave with me. She downs her Mimosa like a champ and smiles at me.

  “Let’s go, Handsome, before I change my mind.” Her backbone straightens, and she looks a little more confident than when we first started talking.

  Jane looks pissed; Tabby looks like she’s about to come over the table and stab her friend. I need to save poor Maggie before she becomes a victim of jealous bitch violence.

  I grab Maggie’s hand to lead her away from the table. She looks over at her two friends and quickly follows me with tears in her eyes.

  “Slut,” Jane yells behind us.

  Maggie stiffens. I grip her hand even tighter.

  “Don’t listen to them, Maggie. You’re beautiful.”

  She looks up at me and sniffs, “Do you really think so?”

  There’s that insecurity I felt when I first met her. This is why she turned into my target. Her lack of confidence is a total turn on for me.

  “Absolutely, I consider myself a connoisseur of women. I can tell actual beauty from fake beauty, and you have so much natural beauty it’s intoxicating.” Okay, I’m laying it on a little thick, but I feel sorry for this girl. I need her to know how special she really is.

  The moment we get to my house, I can see the apprehension on her face. Maggie must not be used to this kind of thing.

  “We don’t have to go in. I can give you a ride home if you like.”

  “You’re so damn nice and handsome. Why would you choose me over someone like Jane? I saw the way you were looking at her when you came up to our table. Why did you choose me?”

  “It only takes me a few seconds to pinpoint who I want the most, and when your eyes met mine, I knew then, that I had to make my night all about Maggie,” I say her name in a whisper and lean in planting a kiss on her spongy cheek. She melts into me and then pounces me, her plump size knocking me a little off balance.

  “I’m not usually this easy, but a guy like you has never looked at me the way you’re looking at me right now. How does this work? Will I get to see you tomorrow?” Crap she’s a clinger.

  “I don’t do second dates, Maggie. I will make this night all about you. I will show you things that your body has never imagined before. I will please you until the point you scream my name so much that it becomes engraved into your memory. Tonight is about making you feel beautiful, Maggie. Tomorrow, I hope you will go home with a smile on your face and the knowledge of how beautiful you truly are. I’m not looking for a relationship, only to make you feel good.”

  She looks up at me in shock. “Brownie points for being honest, but I’m not a one-night-stand kind of girl.”

  “Would you like me to drive you home then?”

  It’s okay if I strike out tonight. I know in my heart, removing Maggie from those two hateful bitches is exactly what I needed to do. There was no way I was going to let her be surrounded by so much hate. When she’s quiet for way too long, and I’m about to run in to get my keys, she shocks me by planting a kiss on my lips.

  “Max, make me feel beautiful,” she whispers as she kisses me.

  “As you wish, Maggie.”

  Yeah, yeah, I just quoted the Princess Bride. Did you forget that my best friend is a chick? Here’s my man card; feel free to revoke it at any time. Right now I have a woman to please.

  Chapter Three

  Breezy

  Travis is waiting for me outside of the restaurant. I’m only a few minutes late, but I can tell with the way he keeps checking his watch, that to him, it’s like I’m an hour. He scans the parking lot. When he sees me get out of my car, he waves and I wave back.

  Travis jogs over to me with the goofiest grin on his face. Man he’s gorgeous. His blonde hair is longer than I norma
lly like; it’s past his ears and styled so that his bangs go to the side and don’t hang in his face. He’s wearing a grey suit with blue pocket square. His cerulean colored eyes are hidden by his thick, long eyelashes. I’m a sucker for light eyes and practically drool over them every time I look into them. He’s a few feet taller than me; I’m 5’8; he has to be at least 6’2. He’s so tall that most of the time I have to stand on my tippy toes to kiss him, but today, because of my heels, our lips meld perfectly together.

  “Hey, Beautiful,” he says once we break free of the kiss. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too,” I tell him, gripping onto his lean torso for support. Travis is the first guy I’ve been with that makes me weak from kissing. I always get these warm, tingly feelings every time our lips meet. I’ve never felt that with a guy before. I never really thought about who my perfect man would be, but the more I hang out with Travis, the more I truly believe it’s him.

  It’s weird. I’m twenty-six almost twenty-seven, and I still haven’t had my own epic love story. My longest relationship was when I was twenty-two and dated this guy named Alec. We lasted nine months. He actually got along with Max pretty well until he found out we were planning on moving in together after school ended. Alec couldn’t handle the thought of me living with another guy and even went as far as requesting me to move in with him instead. I declined his offer. I wasn’t even close to ready for that kind of commitment. Needless to say, he broke up with me for it. Alec and I weren’t even saying I love you to each other yet. How can you move in with someone if you’re not saying those three crucial words? You can’t, and that’s why we didn’t last very long.